Dirty

Cleanliness is non-existent in Thailand. Perhaps in some of the richer areas of Bangkok can you scrub yourself down in an actual shower and maintain a level of cleanliness throughout the day. Here in the Sudan of Thailand it just isn’t possible. The sidewalks are dirty with dog filth and muck from last nights rain and in some cases the sidewalk has caved in. It’s no different than any other large city; you walk the streets doing your best not to think thoughts like “what was that splash that just hit my thigh? Christ, it’s leaving some green residue” or “what the hell is that swimming around in the bottom of me shoe” or “tell me that smell isn’t coming from me.”  I’ve taken to washing my feet every night. And since I can’t actually remove my toenails because that would be just a little crazy there is always something under them. I just hope it doesn’t start nesting and growing.  

Laundry can take days to finish. There are no dryers here so everything air dries, which means it never really gets dry because there is almost as much moisture in the air as on your wet shirt. Don’t even try to dry something like a heavy blanket as it will take up to a week to dry.

There is a very serious lack of toilet paper, paper towels and napkins in Thailand. By lack I mean they don’t exist. What does exist are tiny little strips of what you might call tissue paper that you can buy at any 7/11. The only problem is they almost dissolve the moment they get wet, leaving you hunting for tiny pieces of paper that are clinging to your body in the most awkward places. Luckily for me, the hose I use to shower reaches all those places and cleans the paper out fairly well. Also, you can't flush anything except bodily waste down the toilets so the bathroom garbage must be taken out every morning.

The heat is the real killer. Everything I own is now covered in some kind of sweat stain. There is no avoiding it. You are almost always in some stage of dehydration. And when you combine the sweat with the much needed mosquito repellent you get skin that is sweaty and sticky and smelly.

Jenna's leg covered in bites

Which leads me to the bugs. They are huge, as stated before and everywhere. And they bite. I have a few bits further up my thigh which I know for certain are not mosquito bites. Then again, it could just be heat rash. But still, the mosquitoes here are invisible! I was expecting mosquitoes that are as long as my thigh that you can hear coming from a mile away but no! They are tiny and/or invisible. There are some that are immune to DEET. 

I have created a new game; I call it “Know and Destroy Your Enemy.” In this case, the enemy are the numerous kinds of bugs that could thwart my peaceful life in Thailand. So far, I’m vastly out numbered. Here are a few known ringleaders:

I can't get over how fast these guys are. When  I go
to kill a spider I almost never miss. But I can't catch
these guys!!

He has friends and he's not afraid to just sit there
staring at you. 

I must be some kind of masochist because I really enjoy these guys, actually.  I don’t mind the lizards shitting on my bed; I don’t mind the spiders walking around the halls of the dorm or the ants. Perhaps that will all change. But one of my other new favorite games is “Bug Watch.” At night I go out onto our “porch” for a smoke and watch the leaves in the dirt that have gathered next to the concrete wall laced with barbed wire that separates the school from the swamp.  I sit and watch an area that’s lit by a lamppost and wait for the leaves to start moving. Sometimes they move inches, other times they just stir. The lizards talk to each other very loudly. And every once and a while I hear the “tuk-tuka” of these six foot lizards that live over the wall in the swamp. Occasionally, they come into the dorms but most teachers have only seen them a few times. It’s a nightly ritual that has a sweet, calming affect. Then I slap five mosquitoes in a row and go inside.