Bradley versus the not-so-mini Thais

When the high school fired one of the teachers last week they dumped the majority of his workload on H. The administration then had me take over one of H’s classes. The class is called TOEIC, Test of English for International Communication. It’s a lot like a glorified SAT without that pesky math section. Theoretically, the kids can’t even graduate unless they pass the test. All I’m suppose to do is go in there and teach right out of the book. It isn’t graded so I don’t have to create a lesson plan or create tests. H told me just to make them do worksheets from the book.

High school is a horse of another color spectrum when compared to kindergarten.

“They’re going to eat you alive,” Pete told me. “No one is going to pass that test. No one in this school has ever passed the test. And the course isn’t graded so you can’t use that as leverage.”

“Can we go back to the part where they eat me alive?”

I wasn’t too worried. I knew I was just going to have to walk in confident and on the ball and be more strict then I had planned on. Not as easy as pie but put easier than making a whole Thanksgiving dinner.

Pete walked me up to the classroom filled with fifteen 17-18 year old Thai hipsters. One of the girls had out scissors and a mirror and was trimming her bangs horribly. The guys were asleep on the desk or floor or throwing things around the room. Ah, high school. 

Pete introduced me to the miscreants then left me in the lion pit. I’m pretty sure the kids didn’t even look at me for most of the first day. I tried to ask them their names and I usually got a finger in my face telling me to wait or a nod telling me they understood. I switched tactics from getting to know them to rubbing their noses in the book. Didn’t work. I picked up three names in 50 minutes and we didn't even get through a fraction of the lesson. I spent most of that time getting things thrown at me, having one student screaming some load bird call, others pretending they were race car drivers and revving their none existent engines. It was a nightmare, worse than any scene from a bad movie about tough high school kids. These kids aren’t tough they are spoiled. And they aren’t tiny like most Thai’s their age. Some of them are huge. One of the big ones decided it would be funny to get up and stand in front of me while I was talking so the class couldn’t see me. When I tried to steer him back to his chair he actually dragged me a few feet in the other direction, which is kind of funny.

After my first class I walked back to the dorms to find out I was locked out. I left my stuff by my door and ran up to grab the spare key. I came down the back stairwell and when I looked out the window there they were; three of the worst of the pack staring up at me from five feet away with cigarettes hanging from their mouth and faces as white as the snow they’ve never seen. Ah, Revenge. Sweet revenge is mine for the taking. I’m certain if you had snapped a photo of my face you would have captured the sweet smile worn by those wounded beings who see revenge dead head. Smoking behind the TEACHER’S dormitory, where all the other teachers sneak off to smoke while school is in session. This act speaks for itself and I will not go on about their stupidity. I walked over to them and calmly told them to leave, not before I made it clear that they were going to be angels in my class tomorrow. Of course, another teacher saw them running away but they received a slap on the wrist because these kids can do no harm in the eyes of the administration.

I wish I could tell you that it was just a case of the Mondays and they were better as the week went on but, sadly, that wasn’t the case. By the end of the week they had started to spread rumors to the other teachers that I was physically harming them in class, kicking and hitting them. A few other more serious issues arose that lead me to believe 1) there is no teaching them. I will prepare a lesson and get up and try to teach the lesson but there really is no teaching them, and 2) I’m just going to have find a way to get by without getting myself into trouble and/or losing my mind. In the meantime, I’ll be watching Dangerous Minds and The Substitute this weekend to try and get some pointers. I refuse to be beaten by Thai hipsters.