Still Haven't Been Sold Into Sex Slavery: Pandas??

Begging Monkey

My body does not agree with Thailand. In the past month I have had every possible stomach ailment you can imagine. I’ve guzzled prune juice, I’ve downed Imodium, I’ve walked the streets holding my stomach searching for a bush to puke behind, I’ve laid crippled on my bed certain of death from pain in my belly. I started taking a round of antibiotics which cleared up every problem in a week except the bone crippling pain, which is probably some kind of worm, a reaction to a weird noodle here, or that ulcer my college diet of caffeine and nicotine always threatened me with, not sure yet. Two days after I went off the antibiotics I fell victim to an Asian flu I was certain would make me pass out in class. I’m sure it was a gift from one of my little darlings at school. What sweethearts. I’ve never had anything quite like it. I was exhausted, couldn’t get my nose to stop mimicking a waterfall, my eyes were so irritated I couldn’t put my contacts in.

“You need Tiffy,” Pete told me.

“Who is that?”

“It’s a drug,” he told me on Friday. “Go down to our shack and ask Pee-Mow (the town drunk’s daughter) for it. It might knock you out but it’s good stuff.”

H, S and Jenna hiding in the WW II Bomb Shelter at the Zoo

He was right. It did really knock me out, in fact I’m certain they lace it with speed, but I couldn’t care less because I felt like a million dollars when I woke up on Saturday. It’s a miracle drug. I found a website on the net that will ship it to America if you ever feel the need for a miracle cure for a nasty Asian flu.

So what do you do on a Saturday all jacked up on speed?

“Let’s go to the zoo and see the panda!” Jenna said.

Giant lizard just walking around

We made the now well travelled trip into Bangkok to the Dusit Zoo. Now everyone knows that the zoo in Omaha is the best in America and those who claim otherwise have never been there and are liars. So I wasn’t expecting to be wowed by the place but over all it was quite nice. The zoo presents itself as something of a jungle oasis of flora and fauna, a haven to lizards and lots of monkeys. The exhibits, though, were really sad. The hippos and crocs barely had any water and feeding the animals is a favorite pastime for all who come so there was more than one monkey with a begging hand hanging from his cage. The worst part though was the false advertisement; there was no fricking giant panda!!! I paid B100 to see one of the rarest animals in the world and he’s not even in Bangkok, he’s up in Chiang Mai. Never mind that there are murals of him painted on the walls outside the zoo, it’s just a cheap trick to lure farang to see the elephants and the R.O.U.S. (rodents of unusual size. Oh yes, they do exist! (Princess Bride anyone?)) So the zoo was a bit of a bust. But the sun going down behind the Ananda Samakhon Throne Hall was almost worth the trip.