A Bangkok Fairy Tale

Surprise!

Once upon a time there was a woman who moved half way across the world to teach for 6 months. She fell in love with Thailand and though perhaps she should stay another six months. After she made the decision she was starting to feel nervous about all the people she was missing and not seeing home in over a year. She was beginning to feel very homesick and wondering if perhaps she had made a mistake in deciding to stay longer.

When her birthday came around her roommate dragged her to a fancy Italian restaurant in downtown Bangkok. Her roommate took her to the back table in the restaurant where...Surprise! The woman’s father was sitting at the restaurant table. The restaurant started singing “Happy Birthday” and the woman held her father tight as everyone snapped photos. Her father had collaborated with her roommate for over a month setting the entire night up.  It was the best birthday ever.

And so they lived happily for the week, where the woman made her father eat grasshoppers and street food and the father rode motorcycle taxis, had beautiful suits made and spoiled his daughter with an actual bed and hotel slippers. And when he left the woman felt much more at peace about the staying longer part.

Making Dad go to the Beer Stand.

And so she returned from his beautiful hotel to the Sudan of Thailand more light hearted and ready for another six months of adventure.

The End

Epilogue: This new adventure time will also include a trip to India in October!!! Oh yeah, be jealous.

Thailand in Ruins

Ayutthaya

Thailand is pretty damn old. To put it a bit into perspective; around the time us Yankees were ousting those pesky Red Coats (give or take a decade), Thailand (or Siam as it was called then) was fighting to maintain control of it’s capital, Ayutthaya; a capital that had been the seat of power for 400 years. It’s predecessor, Sukhothai, is farther up north and had been the seat of power for 200 years before that. When Ayutthaya fell, Thais moved their capital to the port town of Krung Temp, also known as Bangkok.

So it’s an old place. Ayutthaya was pillaged by the Burmese when they invaded the country in the 1700s. They burned most of the city to the ground but a few of the temples remain though all the Buddhas are missing their heads. It is a short van ride away from Bangkok and it’s one of the places that I’ve been dying to see so I met my friend Olivia there for a day of ruin hopping.

The proper way to do this is by renting bicycles to get from ruin to ruin. Easily done. But the bicycles aren’t exactly your Bianchi or Trek road bike. They are old school rust cans. And in my case, they are haunted. My bike was all over the road. Most of the time I just wanted the damn beast to go in a straight line. But this bike had a more nefarious motive, like my demise. It really wanted to make sharp right and left turns into traffic and really loved turning straight towards the Cujo dog that came flying out of nowhere and tried to eat my legs like a chicken bone (Olivia will never let me forget the way I screamed like a true damsel when it came after me.) Granted, I haven’t been on a bike for an extend length of time since I was handed the keys to the family hand-me-down Honda (RIP, Silver Bullet) 8 years ago. But that bike really did have a mind if its own hell-bent on my destruction.

Nevertheless, Olivia and I were able to navigate the crazy traffic to each of the ruins we wanted to see. 

First was the…well I’m not sure what their real names are so I just made them up in my head. First was the Temple of Buddha Head. As I said, when the Burmese came through they started chopping away at the heads of poor Buddhas everywhere. At this particular temple, Buddha seems to have landed next to a tree that chose to engulf him. I like how peaceful this guy looks. As though his head really wanted to be taken from his body so he could rest forever perfectly in the nook of the tree. It’s an incredible sight.

I look like an ant compared to him.

Then was the Temple of the Super Sized Reclining Buddha. Just like the one in Bangkok I saw months ago, this statue depicts Buddha as he reached Nirvana. I loved this reclining Buddha far more than the one in Bangkok. He was rough around the edges rather than cased in gold, had survived two major wars and wasn’t even missing a large portion of himself like all his other counterparts. He just laid there, smiling at all the world, almost saying "damn straight you should admire me. Do you have any idea what I've endured?"

The last one we went to was the Temple of Three Pagoda Thingys. We’d planned it perfectly so that the sun was just starting to set as we got there. This temple lights up at night and we both had wanted to see it during the day and night. We also got another great bonus as there was hardly another soul in sight. We practically had free reign of the place to march up the stairs of the spires and takes a million pictures. It was incredible to walk in such a large compound of ruins without anyone else around. I could easily imagine this place full and bustling in the height of Ayutthaya’s power. It was amazing.

Thailand has centuries on the USA and yet it is still considered a developing country. In many villages and towns the people have refused the advances of technology and economic growth and have gotten, in exchange, a timelessness that pierces into you, makes you notice things you’ve never thought of (like the sound of silence in a deserted ruin) or seen things you’d never thought you’d see (such as the sun going down behind a 600 year old temple). You start to think about what it means to really endure. You start to think about the places you know now that people might visit in 300 years and wonder the same thing.

How often do we wish we could freeze this moment or that moment or make sure this or that never changes? I, for one, sat with Olivia till the sun disappeared, watching the colors of the pagodas change as the sun got lower and the bats flew in swarming circles around each pagoda and wished that I could see this image every time I closed my eyes. 

Afterward:

Chinese New Year was going on that weekend so Olivia and I walked around all night, finally meeting some friends at a bar next to our guesthouse and enjoyed a well earned beer after our long bike ride. And when our friend came back with the beer it wasn't the normal Thai piss water. It was a one of my all time favorite Belgium beers, Kwak. I march into the bar and discovered a fridge filled with some of my favorite Belgium beer, being sold at a quarter of what we sell it for in the States. Then I found the owner, a fat Serbian named Serg, and gave me a huge hug before I put a massive dent in his beer supply.

The 3 headed elephant water park

Tier 1

Once upon a time in Asia, there was an elephant named Erawan that either had 3 heads or 33, no one can remember correctly. Erawan broke free from his egg as Brahma read from the holy hymns and so was considered holy.

What Erawan has to do with a seven-tiered waterfall in Kanchanaburi eludes me. Nevertheless, Erawan Falls is the official name for one of the most beautiful places I’ll probably see in Thailand. The water is aquamarine in hue, gently gliding over rock ledges that have all ranges of height. Tons of little and huge carp swim in the clear pools. The forest canopy hides the water from the sun’s glare while also being a home for some territorial monkeys. It looked like a scene out of Lost only a million times more beautiful. Vines are hugging tree limbs or hanging free and monkeys are calling. The roots of the trees weave in and out of the water leaving the fish with an obstacle course to navigate. It’s exactly what you dream about when you think of an exotic oasis in the jungles of Asia. With a few notable exceptions, which we’ll come to soon.

Tier 2

Jenna and I made the return trip to Kanchanaburi in a comfortable minivan without any mishaps. Some of you will remember that Kanchanaburi was the setting for an all night party at a swank hotel and some epic elephant riding back in October. Even then we started hearing stories about this massive waterfall you could swim in that we had to come back to. So we met some other OEGer at the legendary Jolly Frog hostel, a place known for it’s all night parties and regulars who have been hanging around for a while. We found it tame and comfortable, with great hammocks and porches sitting right on the river Kwai. The next day we got up early and flagged down a really, really ancient bus headed up the Erawan National Park (this thing could only make it to about 15 mph on the hills.) It was standing room only and the wooden floor had some large junks missing where you could see the ground beneath you.

Tier 3, my favorite

One hour later we arrived to the park, which we soon discovered should be renamed Erawan Water Park. Being a weekend and all, every tier was packed with people, something I was expecting. What slipped my mind was the part where you can swim in these waterfalls and so I should have expected a lot of people swimming around. But I forgot all this, as well as the propensity of fat, balding, hairy European men to don tiny swimsuits. Sweet Jesus. I will pay someone to round up those Speedos and burn them. I look to my left and right and realize I’m flanked by them. Then I look behind me and notice I’m completely surrounded. There is no escaping it, the Europeans were everywhere. There they are, smoking with their feet in the water. There they are laying down to get some sun by the pool. There they are sliding down the rock face on the fourth tier. There they are with a massive wedgie. It was an amusement/water park to these people. Hiking towards the top we passed many spirit houses and decorated trees that made me feel like myself and everyone else were trespassing on sacred ground, scantily clad no less.

Tier 5

At this point you either join them or stare at them. Resistance is futile and of course, we had planned on swimming. We hiked up to the seventh tier then made our way down to swim in the fifth and fourth tier, trying out the natural water slide. It was frigid but so refreshing after the sweaty hike. The water was clear and the fish didn’t bite if you stayed moving (though their bite is a bit more fierce than the traditional nibble I’m accustom to.) The slide on the fourth tier was a lot of fun. And the fifth tier had some nice photo opts. It was yet another surreal Thailand moment: having fish nibble my feet while swimming in the most beautiful waterfall I will ever see. 

 

 

 

Tier 6

Tier 7

Railroad Market

Full recovery from what I’ll call the “Celine Hangover” came on Sunday; Jenna and I decided to venture out to a Thai market in Thai fashion. We wandered to the end of the street where we hailed a song-toew (a pickup truck you sit in the back off that takes you from place to place). The song-toew dropped us off in the town of Samut Sahkon next to the ferry which we took across the river. We arrived in a charming town called Maha Chai where we strolled the alleyways getting friendly stares before arriving at the railway station. The railway station is one track with one commuter train line, traveling from Maha Chai to Mae Klong, where the infamous Railroad Market is (round trip: 38 baht, or a little over a dollar). I loved the train ride. The train itself looked and felt like it had been around the tracks a while. With no air conditioning the windows were all rolled down, allowing a nice breeze and an uninterrupted view of the picturesque Asian countryside. Highlights included droves of beautiful birds flying from rice field to rice field and huge trees sitting snug in the muck of the swamp.

No one but the Thais would ever dream of setting up a market on the tracks of an active railway station, let alone a food market. I can understand how no one would care if a train runs over the t-shirts you are selling (they can pump out replaces in the sweat shops in a jiffy) but when a train runs over the produce and fish I’m going to be a little hesitant to eat said fish. This is not an issue for the Thais. The train runs on time to the same schedule everyday. When it’s time, the vendors lift up their awnings and pull back their crates and tables, wait for the train to pass, then move everything back into place. I’m having trouble adequately explaining just how absurd this really is.

Like all Thai markets it is crammed quarters. You wander down the tracks underneath awnings to choose your poison for the day. No bell goes off, no lights start blinking, but all of the sudden there is a lazy bustle of movement to lift up the awnings and either move the food back, cover it with something or just let it be. Down comes the train, huffing away and as soon as it’s past you turn around and see everything almost perfectly back in its right place.

Roaming through the market was interesting. Not much for Jenna and I to buy but I did survive the rape of my nasal cavities by the most foul of stenches ever to float around on a soft breeze. The most perfect smell of putrefaction and filth and it stayed inside my nose as the most unwelcomed visitor for a few long seconds. Just horrible. Never did find the culprit. You could find fish of all shapes and sizes, intestines, meat, little girls playing with raw meat, flowers, fish and pig heads and toys. It was an eclectic group.  My favorite was the barrels of blue crabs. We wandered through quite a bit of the market and then stepped aside to let the train slowly roll through. Yet another wonder of Thailand. 

Notice the flies on the intestines. Delicacy.

The Thai Work Party

Some of my favorite teachers at the kindergarten

My school’s manager has a birthday that happens to be around the time of News Year’s. So instead of having a New Year’s party when most of the staff is traveling, the school waits to throw one big party that combines both the kindergarten and the high school. The massive kindergarten stage, complete with a new background and blinding lights, was the setting amid white clothed tables and chairs. Because when the Thais get together to throw a dinner party they also want entertainment…in the form of embarrassing their teachers. And I mean really embarrassing them. And for the kindergarten English department that embarrassment came in the form of the self-proclaimed (or was it SNL?) “Greatest Singer in the World,” Celine Dion. No, I did not choose the song. I did, however, choreograph the dance. But we’ll get to that later.

Thai dance party

The dinner came with a seven course traditional Chinese menu which included an entire duck. Smelled great so I dug my spoon in. Out came intestines and liver as well as a little breast meat. I lost my appetite fairly quickly and to my own dismay, for it was about an hour later when I pointed out to my friend Phil that he was eating intestine that he told me it was really just flower petals and roasted chestnuts (which have the exact same texture in your mouth as liver so I had legitimate grounds for confusion.)

“Really, Bradley, you think a duck has five livers?” he asked, pointing the chestnuts on everyone’s plate.

Fair point. I’ll give him that one. But to my defense, there was a lot of not-so-clandestine whiskey drinking going on at our table. Each table was equipped with only two bottles of beer meant to be shared between seven people. Naturally, we stuffed ten people (the entire farang English department of both schools) onto one table. And we all came stocked with our own provisions of beer and whiskey.

Drinking at a work party, especially when the majority of your coworkers don’t drink, is a dicey game to be playing. However, imagine my astonishment when I look over to see a table of Thai teachers also going to town on their own bottle of whiskey. They proved quite adept at rocking to the karaoke in their inebriated state.

Time for the English department to go home...

And no party, even a Thai work party, would be complete without dancing. And dancing and singing has always been a tradition for all Thai gatherings. Everyone was invited to come up and dance around the stage, though if you didn’t volunteer you found yourself dragged up to the crowd anyway. Got to say, it was one of the best work parties I’ve ever had (though my head would have appreciated if the English department had stopped partying when the party actually ended.)

And now, a moment I’m sure I will forever regret sharing with you, but I did make a promise to document everything. So without, further ado, here is the Celine Dion dance number (we nixed the singing party and decided to just dance.)

Disclaimer: A bit more courage was imbibed than was probably needed. Luckily for me, Jenna really steals the show. (Credit goes to S for taping it, although she couldn't figure out how to stop taping so it goes on for a bit at the end.) Password: shame

http://vimeo.com/19422990